Airline workers messing about

airline workers funny

These are a series of funny but real conversations between airline workers:

Pilots vs control towers.

  • Tower- To avoid any sound pollution please steer 45 degrees to your right.
  • Pilot- What sounds pollution can we produce at a 7000m altitude?
  • Tower- The one resulting from your collision with the 727 heading your way!
  • Tower- Are you a Airbus 320 or 340?
  • Pilot- We’re flying a 340 of course!
  • Tower- Would you be so kind as to turn on your other two engines before taking off please?
  • Pilot- Good Morning Bratislava!
  • Tower- Good morning for your information this is Vienna.
  • Pilot- What? We’re currently landing at Bratislava.
  • Tower- This is really Vienna.
  • Pilot- Vienna?
  • Tower- Yes
  • Pilot- But this can’t be, we need to land at Bratislava.
  • Tower- In that case fly off and turn left.
  • The Tower communicating with a Pilot that just succeeded in a very difficult landing:
  • Tower- The landing plan should never be kept a secret from the passengers.
  • Pilot- Don’t worry about it, they’re applauding anyway.
  • A Alitalia Pilot whose plane was just struck by a lightning bold disabling most of his cockpit instruments.
  • Pilot- We’ve lost all flight instruments, nothing is working, even the altimeter has stopped showing anything.
  • After about 5 minutes of noises another voice can be heard – Shut up and die like a man!
  • Pilot- A light has just come up in my dashboard.
  • Tower- We were hoping there would be more of them lit by now.
  • Pilot- There are but thick smoke is only coming out of this one.
  • Pilot- We’re desperately low on fuel. Awaiting emergency instructions!
  • Tower- What’s your position, we can’t locate you on our radar.
  • Pilot- We’ve been sitting on runway two and waiting for the fuel truck since… forever!
  • Tower- Do you have any issues onboard?
  • Pilot- We’ve lost the cockpit compass!
  • Tower- Judging by how you’re flying I though you lost the whole cockpit.
  • Tower- After landing head over to Taxiway Alpha 7, Alpha 5, Whiskey 2, Delta 1 and Oscar 2.
  • Pilot- Sorry where is that? We’re not familiar with the layout of this airport.
  • Tower- Don’t worry. I don’t know either, this is my second day here.
  • Pilot- Requesting permission to take off.
  • Tower- Apologies, we don’t yet have your flight plan, where are you heading?
  • Pilot- Flying to Salzburg like on every other Monday!
  • Tower- Ok but today is Tuesday.
  • Pilot- Really? in that case we have the day off.
  • Tower- Report on height and position please?
  • Pilot- 5’9″ and seating on the left chair in the cockpit rather relaxed.
  • The tower communicating with a amateur pilot:
  • Tower- Who is on board?
  • Pilot- Myself, two passengers and a dog.
  • After a rough landing:
  • Tower- So why did you let the dog attempt the landing?
  • Tower- Do you or do you not have enough fuel for the flight?
  • Pilot- Yes!
  • Tower- Yes what??
  • Pilot- Yes Sir!
  • Tower- Please indicate your ETA (Estimated time of arrival)
  • Pilot- Hmmm Tuesday would suit me fine please.

Translated from a old article that I can’t find anymore. Hope you enjoyed it!

Image taken from here where more funny airline workers can be found.

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